iT HurTS...

Yes it does.. Stil does. Its such a piss off la!! But ta a more im hurt, the more im givin up.. I dun wana fcukin care bout her ANYMORE but it stil haunts me... Im sure it does nt make her feel any worse. Juz can feel it. I know she has moved on.. N ppl around me r tellin me to too.. Its NOT EASY OK!! Its easier sed ten done!! Its easy for u ppl to say tat, its easy for her too but nt for me ok!! I hate wen tis happens to me!! Arrgggh!! Til i started dreamin of her!! ISH!! Not once but many times!! Im sick of tis la... Cant tahan dy. Ta feeling of knowing tat sum1 doesnt care bout wt she has done or how she has hurt u really hurts badly.. As if she NEVER cared!! Tats bcoZ she's nt alone now.. Remember my words darlin, ta day wil cum.. Tats all i have to say. As i alwiz quote "Wat goes around cums around". Damn u let go of a 4yr bond we had juz coz of 'her'? N no sorries too?? I freakin hate u guys man!! U call urself a pet sis?? Til sum otr 'third party' has to call n apologise to me?? Wen she is damn cause of all tis?? IM HURT N WIL ALWIZ BE OK..

CrY....

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truely
But at the time it didn't mean a thing
My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why i'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart
My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
How did I get here with you, i'll never know
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
All my life...

(Dedicated to "you")

A WeeK HaS PaSSeD bY...

Yes it has. N here i am blogging again. I actually feel much better wen o blog. Coz i can express my feelings better here rather ten keepin it to myself like i alwiz do.. FLy has gone out for a wedding reception held at the Palace of the Golden Horses... Wow i know. But sadly im not invited. Strictly oni for Mr & Mrs only. Uncle had invitation so he's gone too. Im bored... My genting plans which i had was screwed up. But then came another plan by my best buddies but sadly AGAIN i cant join them. Coz i hv too many plans comin up. N its family so i cant avoid them. See?? Hmmm.. Sorry guys. Sum otr time k? I promise.. Have plans on the 22nd, 24th, 26th, 29th n so on... Busy year end.. Another year is comin.. I saw my otr half yest.. Coz it was our 5th mth 2gether!! YaY!! Ther was an edu fair ther.. Ten i remember sayin to sum1 "IM GONNA TK U TO THE NEXT EDU FAIR NO MATTER WAT!!".... (speechless)Nvm, im gona hv 2 cute babies in my arms soon. Cant wait to be an aunt!! OMG i luv them wt evry breath i take!! Hehehe... Bak to coll tmw. :(

A PiEcE oF mE iS GoNe...

Yes, tis time its for real.. K i was a lil too pissed yest. NOw im feelin a lil better n more calm. Maybe coz ive accepted things to be ta way it is. To accept ta fact tat sum1 i really loved n cared about cud acc say tat to me. N ten 'she' cums into ta story again. Aft all she's done. Wat for? Isn't it a lil too late? Which resulted in such decision? Ok i'll agree tat im so weak to sorries but nt tis time. I juz cant tk it k. Never had been called a BITCH by any1 i know n all u did was "DO NOT GET ME INVOLVED" n "I DUN BLAME HER FOR SAYIN TAT" So be it.. Blame ME!! It has alwiz been me.. Im ta bad one. Im ta MEAN one as u say it, n im ta BITCH. Happy? I loved u more ten anytin else o any1 else.. U was in ta 5th ranking in my life.. NOw u wont be ther.. Not anymore. Ta pain is juz TOO GREAT my dear. N 'YOU' say it like u mean it k. Sorry is juz a word. Dun make it a habit. Thanks for comin into our lives n opening up my eyes.. Coz all uve done in the end is BREAKIN ALL TIES...

B.I.T.C.H.

Who ta fcuk u tink u r to call me a BITCH?? Who ta hell r u? U fcukin pissed me off gurl! Ok guys, u know me better kan? Do i ACT like a BITCH? Do i TALK like a BITCH? Do i DRESS like a BITCH? Do i LOOK like a BITCH? So tell me la ten, how cud i be called a bitch? Who ta hell is she to call me tat? She'll regret it i swear!!! Tryin to ruin my relationship wt my sis? Go ahead la!! I dun gv 2 shits bout it k! Juz buzz off u BITCH!! Ive never called any1 tat b4 but sorry, its ta 1ST for YOU!! U want her badly? U can have her ok. I DUN FCUKIN CARE!! Coz i DUN NEED A PET SIS LIKE U!! U'll regret it too!! I swear!! All of u r hopeless!! Thanks for showin me ur true colors NOW!! Thank god ive realised it!!

Hate TaT i LoVe YoU...

I finally saw kirs last sun!! She surprised me by sayin they r droppin over my place. God how much i missed her!!!! N i saw her again on mon too. Wit Riana, Marcia n Ganish. Its been like years since i last saw him!! (I know ur smilin kan?) Hehehe... I also met up wt vin in the morn. We r early lovebirds. LoL. K here's the news!! We r all goin to GENTING!! Tho my bestie (sute) cant make it, ta plans r stil on. Wil miss her tho. :( So basically im goin ther wt a bunch of kids!! OMG!! Im ta elsest ther!! So kirstie, u better not have any ideas k. Coz im gonna keep u under my tight supervision!! Wt my cute big eyes! Hahahaha... No maksiat all k. Cant wait la!! Btw kirstie, ur gona stayover at my place on fri kan? Plz la. (btw tis is not an open invitation ok-applies ONLY to kirs!!) N i dun tink ta doubledate wil work. Coz im not free tis weekend neither is he. Sad la... Tot 'we' cud bond. Hahahaha... Btw -'we' were supposed to watch tat movie 2gether ryte?? But u watched it wt ur frens... :( - So close yet so far... (no comment)

SpEEcHLeSSNeSS... :(

HAPPY 1st ANNIVERSARY CHAKBIL!! Vin came over yest. Fran came later. Ten sute n her frens came too for sum help. She left two of them here n went off. ISH!! She only came bak at 8!!!! N vin n i had to sit here n help her wt her stuff? WTF?? But guess its all gud. Friendship matters rite? Rite now, im really really sad... I juz dunno how to express it anymore. Its too subjective. One keeps it a secret, the otr tells me lies.. Mayb its me or mayb its them. Sum1 has to gv up rite? I juz dun feel ta bond wt them anymore... They hv totally changed. Wat r they gettin themselves into? I duno.. Ill juz leave them la.. They r grown up n most of all, THEY R NOT MINE.. Ryte? Its juz so sad... I dun hv anytin more to say.. Bye..........

DeePaVaLi!!

Yes it was real fun. Despite all ta cleanin n hand burnin. Had my coll frens over. Many of them came. Here goes.... Febe, Louis, Jovi, Kok Mun, Colleen, Fei, Rei, Nikki, Ting Foong, Victor, Li Xiang, Edwin, Jin Foong, Gary, Chee Kin, Bernard n Alvin. Ten i had Fran n Avery (its tat how its spelt?). Ten Shy Theng came too. Had all frens here but not close ones. :( Kirstie, Sute n Ila dint cum. But Sute n Ila came 2day instead coz they cudnt make it. KIrs cant cum guess coz its 'SfcukinPM'. LOL. Vin came over too. N its my turn to go to his house tmw for Deepavali. Hehe.. Had a g8 day wit u n fly hun. Love ya!!

TiReDNeSS... :|

Yes i am. Tired of bakin more n more cookies. Tired of goin to coll. Tired of evrytin basically!!! ARRRGGHHHH!! Had a bad week last week. Ta presenttaion for final proposal was called off coz it was alredy 6p.m.!! WTH!! Told ta lecturer we cudnt make it but ten he made us wait like idiots ten sent us off later on. And it happened again, ta presentation is to be rescheduled again. Wen ta hell am i gona fin my finals??? Ish!! Ta graduation is on march 2008. But tats not ta point here. I wanna start workin by jan!! Haihz... Luks like my plans r not gonna work thanks too sum 'old frogs' tat r guidin us thru our finals!! GENERATION GAP people!! They simply dun understand. Deepavali is around ta corner. About 20 of my coll frens r comin!! Tat excludes my 'gang' ok. Tis yr we made evrytin all by ourselves. I made all of ta cookies. Made 2 diff kinda butter cookies, choc chip cookie, corn flake cookies, coconut cookies, ghee balls, peanut butter brownies, murukus, achapam, pakavadai, n soon athirasam. N burnt sum fingers too. But guess its all worth. Coll is celebratin deeparaya on tues. Im in charge of ta indian food. Muz be up early on tues n cook. :( Have to pinjam sum punjabi suits n jippas to coll frens for ta fashion show. LoL. I wanna win ta best indian costume category tho. Hehehe... So i muz dress to kill. Aft all, its my final yr n sem in coll. Sobs... Im gonna miss college life!! But im already lovin workin life!!

LoNeLiNeSS

Im sad... Its weird tat im goin thru ta same feeling all over again. No one to turn to.. Wish it was all a lie.. Can tk tis on my own but i hv no one else to express my feelings to... :( Maybe coz i dun want to.. Presentation again tis week. Hope it wil go well.. I wanna do my best for my finals.

Too many lies,
Too much pain...
Breakin all ties,
N u did it again...

I was not ta 1st,
Neither was the second...

BaCk!! :)

Holla ppl!! I noe ive not updated my blog for almost 2weeks!! Ive been bz neway.. Moreover its not like u care if i do update rite? LoL. :P Had a pot luck last week. Vin, fran n her fren, ila, gugu n nieces (:X), sute n i. Tats it. Gurmit cudnt make it n as usual kirs did not make it too. (y am i not surprised??) But we had fun tho. Tat 'person' has not been disturbin me lately. For a week dy. IM HAPPY :) Most probably he's in ta lock now!! :P (hopefully....) Tats wat happens wen u mess wit S.H.A.L. Hahaha.. Juz kiddin k. Dun get scared. Made cookies for deepavali. I did it all by myself. I even juz made peanut brownies. Tastes good. :) Hmmm wat else i need to say here? HmMMMmmm.. Relatives came from Singapore on sat. Had them here til yest so had been bz shoopin n all. Got sum new blouses. :D Uncle bought me a green saree wen we went to klang!! He's so sweet. Guess they r rich so... Hehehe.. Had a great time wit them n cousin Raghu. Tho he's a lil 'retarded' (i'm mean), he was fine. Made me n sis laugh all ta way!! We sent them off at kl sentral last nite. So went there for ta deepavali fair. Many 'karat' machas ther. Hehe.. Hmmm.. K i gtg! Need to check on my brownies. LoL. Love ya'll!!

You are the keeper of my H.E.A.R.T.,
No man can tear us A.P.A.R.T.,
As u'll alwiz remain as my S.W.E.E.T.H.E.A.R.T.

Hot BiTcH?? WTF??

So basically another day missin class. And i did not attend claas tis whole week at all. On mon is bcoz i was not well. Today coz I had to make another police report... Wth... Thnaks to sum pervert to has been harassing me all ta way. Callin me bitch n all. He has been watchin me very closely. Threathening me too. Juz bcoz i did not ans his calls o msges, he called my house phone. OMG!! It was so damn noisy la! Hp ten house phone. ISH!! C'mon la i cudnt sleep ta whole nite!! Neither did he!! Was callin me til 9 a.m.!! Who does he tink he is?? Messin wit ta wrong person.. Well he cant turn back ady coz he has to face his owns acts. Let him get a taste of his own medicine.

sO MucH FoR mY HappY eNdiNg..

Yea. It was a norm day... Ts original plan was for me to hv ta interview 2day wit ta marketing director of Shakey's Malysia hu happens to be vin's uncle. Ten his mom told him to bring me to his house.. Went in ta morn by train. He fetched me from ta station. Saw my hunk drive for ta 1st time!! Wow he has style man!! So serious. I like it! Met his parents n bro. They were warm. Talked n looked at his photo collections. He's so cute omg!! Tats wat we was doin. Ten around noon we left for ta interview at selayang mall. Met his uncle n fin around 3.30. Never had lunch. But he gave us free pizzas. Ten his parents invited me for lunch so cudnt refuse. Ate there ten they sent me to kl sentral. Was so happy!!! Now im not.. Coz 'they' met an accident. Luckily it was not them drivin!! Sum1 bang them. Heard 'she' was serious so i called her but she was rude... Another one was ta same i guess. It hurts badly coz all i wanted is to noe if they r alrite.. Tho im not informed wen it happened, NONE of them called me. Coz im not important, i guess. Im hurt but wat to do... They hv 'others' to call... Ill nv forget tis one... But i am worried tho. But it was not appreciated. Thanks anyway.. Wanted to hv them in my arms but their anger wudnt allow me to. ALl i get is "read my blog". Im juz a nobody to read it from her blog. Wat happened to 'us'? :( I cant tk tis anymore. My day is ruined. A.G.A.I.N.

YaY!!

I DIT IT AGAIN!! I'm sure not many gals out there r as brave as me. Rite? LoL. Neways, evrytin went on real smooth ppl!! Ive got both my parents blessings!! :) Now im juz waitin to bring him home to be introduced to my fly!! Hope it wil go on well. Unlike my 1st true love which didn't work out. N to make things worse, i've actually found out ta reason 'he' left me. COz he didnt even love me at ta 1st place. Shud i say it was INFATUATION?? I was like wth man. Can u believe tat? Well as i alwiz say, "WAT GOES AROUND DOES COME AROUND".. My day wil cum real soon baby! U'll pay for evry teardrop... But now im happy!! Very happy.

FiNaLLy oFFiCiaL!!!

Yes it is. Finally told mom bout 'us'. It was kinda emo tho. NOt her but ME. Started cryin n all. Tried to control my emotions but hmmmmm....... Nevermind. LoL. Talked bout A****D tats y i cried.. Told her tats its really over between us n all. N yea i got emo a lil. But i did it!! Yes hun, we did it!! <3

i'M BeiN POeTiC...

Wen you argue,
think of the good times you've had together before,
and u'll find hidden memories..
But wen you argue,
dun think of all the wrongs she/he has done to you,
coz ur juz findin faults...
Cherish the good moments and dispose off the hatred...
Coz we live only for once and once only.
Do not hate the person you once loved and do not hate the one who loves you too... Coz we all live to be loved by one another...
Live life. Love life.
Coz tis is wat life has taught me about love!! <3

B.O.R.E.D.

Yes, i am.. Bored to blog la. Tats y i seldom blog these days.. Tis week has been a hard one for me.. Presentation was juz ok. Baby Darshan is not well, n im got my period!! OMG!! Ish!! Most of all, i got ta attack AGAIN!! Tis morn.. They wanted to bring me to hosp again but i refused. Dun wanna go thru ta pain again la... Do took med n slept off. Haihz.... Stil feel a lil weak tho. Ila came in the aft coz she needed my help on sum design tingy for desi's bday tmw. Its not only his bday but also 'his'... Meanin Arvind. Hmmm... Happy Birthday.

FiNaL!!!

Omg its my 1st presentation on my FINAL project later!! N here i am bloggin!! Wanna release a lil of my stress tho. Hehe.. But im pretty confident. Confidence is imp rite? Moreover its my final year n sem!! S.C.A.R.Y. wei!! Wish me luck!! Cant wait to get over wit tis n start workin!! Wanna get my own car by ten n buy lotsa toys for ta babies!! Hehe.. Things r gettin better now.. HOpe it all goes well. N im happy u hv made ta move hun.. FINALLY!! Now its my turn n u noe i wil rite? So...... Lets juz wait for ta rite time!! :) N yes, i stil miss Y.O.U... <3

OnLY TiMe WiL DeCiDe...

Hmmm... Rite. I feel so uneasy tho ive been keepin myself busy to not hv these thoughts in my mind. But tiz is wat happens if u love tat person so much. Ur mind cant tk over ur heart.. I do feel a lil lonely. N i also didnt c him tis week... :( Hope ull do well in ur exam hun. Anyway, ive been busy painting my house gate all by myself. Yest n today. U noe la my house gate is kinda big n has all the ornamental shapes. Damn tension to paint it u noe. Havin terrible back ache now. Hands r achin too.. :( Sis took mc today so she came over. I drove AGAIN in the evening. But ta car stopped for ta 1st time!! Coz i used slippers!! Torn one! LoL. Hehe.. Vicky is goin to usa tis sun to cont his studies. Hmmm.. Dunno how shud i feel. Happy for him tho. Coz he has a gf now n he is happy too. :) Its juz tat i feel a lil sad coz he was my 1st like close guy fren hu understood evrytin bout me. But hings changed later on. But im happy tho. Btw, hope 'she' has a great one. O shud i say 'having'. Hehe. HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRAN!! Wish u well. U mite hate me o be mad at me but despite evrytin u noe tat i do love you. For the person u was before. Tats wat matters most. Hands pain dy. GTG. Bye. :)

ScReWeD uP...

Yes. Evrytin is so screwed up. A week have passed by but many things hv changed... So soon.. Did i juz make things worse for them? Coz things seems to be outta control. Juz had to c them once n evrytin is so diff now. OMG.... Things hv changed but one thing for sure is, im not gonna hv my baby back wit me. Nor my sis. They hv changed... Since i hv left, im not gonna look back again. U was never the person i once knew.. It was all lies. Love isn't juz a feeling gurl, its a wanting to be wanted by the otr person. Love doesnt cum in juz a few mins time coz u find tat person hot. Ur juz screwin up ur own life. All i can do is gv u a piece of my mind but u'll not listen. Im tellin u tis coz i noe the 'old' u n also the 'new' you.. But the 'new' you does not need me.. All u need is sum 'HOT' chick to get u movin on. Tats the painful truth rite? I love u n im worried for u... Ur messin up ur own life. Im tellin tis not bcoz im jealous but bcoz i care for u.. Ok? I hope u know wat mess ur gettin urself into gurl. Im here juz to advice u. The rest is up to u.. Ur big n wise enuf to make ur on decisions. Tcare. Bye.

So MucH FoR bLoGGiN... :|

HmmMMM. Im speechless. N i hv notin more to say. Yes i made tat decision n i cant pull back ok. U made me make tat decision. Ask urself n ull find the ans. N i left not bcoz i hv another, its bcoz u dun need another anymore. He has notin to do wit tis at all.. k? So dun involve him in tis. Im sure ull get pissed too if i sed u hv ur 'mom' now rite? So plz understand my situation here. I guess things r better tis way. U both can concentrate on ur studies n dun hv to be obligated to sum1 hu's childish. k? Plz move on n study smart coz tats all u'll hv at the end of ta day, EDUCATION. Not a gurlfriend k. N u plz prepare urself for ur SPM. K? Tats juz a piece of advice from me. Its up to u guys whether o not u wanna listen to me... Evrytin happens for a reason not bcoz i wanted it, but coz its juz fated to... If ur wise enuf u'll understand wat i mean.. Bye.

DamN!!

Ish ish ish... Evrytin ive been doin is been such a piss off these few days. Comp crashed. Had to get it reformated. Saved all my work n all. Most importantly pics. Work is imp too coz i need it for my portfolio next yr tho. Cant go online to get my final project started, haihz... Thank GOd now i can!! Woot!! So ive been bz cleanin ta house n all. See, im a brand new person now. Im learnin to control my anger too. Thanks to "you noe hu". Hehe.. My house has a new look!! Cum n see it if u want too!! LoL. Im gonna make it look better tho. Hahaha... N i drove all ta way from oug back home 2day!! Wit bil of course. He sed my drivin has improved alot. Woot!! Ive gained motivation n confidence. So now tat i can finally go online, y am i here bloggin? I guess ill hv to delete my blog soon. Coz i created it for 'them' n now tat they r gone, i guess there is no reason for me to cont rite? I dun need anyone to understand the new me. Wat do u tink? Leave me a comment if u want me to go on. LoL!! HmmmMMMMmm.. I MiSS 'TheM'... I wish i cud be rite bside them now coz i noe they need me now esp 'her'.. Never expected tis to happen tho. Im sorry dear. Evrytin happens for a reason rite? Maybe tis wil be good for ta 3 of us... Is it really over???

"When You're Gone"

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

BLaH BLaH BLaH... :-P

Hahaha. Sum 'ppl' dun like me sayin stuff in my blog indirectly.. Well tis will be ta last k. Aft all, its my blog. U dun like it, ten DUN READ IT!! Its as simple as tat. Lets juz note down sum imp stuff k. It applies to those hu feels ta pinch k. Like??

1) I made use of u?
2) I made u feel like shit?
3) I broke ur heart?
4) Im selfish?
5) Im supposed to respect u too?
6) U guys need me but i tink u dun?
7) I'm changing?
8) I'm childish?
9) U can think for urself?
10) U tink i'll ever FORGIVE you??

Well well well.... HmMMMmmm. Let me juz asn ur ur q's k?

1) I did?? Wen? As far as ive known im not tat kinda person. But if u tink so, "Y DO U EVEN SAY SORRY N SAY TAT U NEED ME?" (Ish!!)
2) If i did, ten y did u love me so damn 'GREATLY'?? (Already has moved on but keep remindin me of ta past for wat? In case uve forgotten, uve broken sum1's heart too)
3) Yes i did (tink so). But ur makin it sound as if ur ta only victim here. C'mon la u noe uve moved on so y stil bringin it up? Hu's childish now??
4) Hahaha.. U noe better rite? Well if stil tink so, "Y DO U EVEN SAY SORRY N SAY TAT U NEED ME?" (Ish!!)
5) Tats ta funniest thing ive ever heard u noe. Ok yes i agree we hv to respect each otr. Yea. But not until i hv to listen to watever u say rite? Ten wats ta use of me bein ur pet sis?? We'd better off be frens rite? LoL.
6) Well tats ta fact ok. U guys tink im controllin u.. So u dun tell me wat uve been up to? Rite? Y afraid of tellin me if ur not doin anytin wrong? ANSWER ME!!
7) I'm glad if a am. I cant be tinkin like u guys all ta time u noe. I tot i cud save ta relationship if i did. Unfortunately it got worse. Too bad....
8) Watever!! I dun gv a s*** k. Uve hurt me enuf!! Ur no different from the 'other' one now. Coz u hv no respect for me n ur damn RUDE to me!! (Sorry no CURE!!)Wen im growin up, 'sum1' tinks im bein 'chidish'!! (How much tat annoys me!!) I can name a long list of childish things uve done ok!
9) Well if u can, ten go ahead wit ur life. I cant n wont stop you. Dun cum back sayin sorry tho uve not regretted a single word o action uve taken. Ten "Y DO U EVEN SAY SORRY N SAY TAT U NEED ME?" (Ish!!)
10) NEVER!!!!

Tats bout it for now. Ive xpressed how ive felt. U wanted to noe so badly rite? N im sure 'sum1' is ready to hit me back on tis matter. Like how she alwiz is. EVEREADY FOR ACTION!! Esp arguments. Ur pissed but im HURT. Hurt me n u'll regret it. But since uve done it already, good luck to u. Coz i strongly believe tat "WAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND" N u BOTH wil regret it sooner o later. I SWEAR!!

My RiDE!!

Yes i drove today!! Well, i had to get my license 1st so we left early. Initial plan was to go hv a look at ta new Giant opened at BK5 but wen dad n i got there, it was too packed!! 11a.m. C'mon la ppl!! Typical MALAYSIANS who love cheap stuff. Hehe.. So we left. We juz wanted to check out where its located only btw. So went back to ta drivin sch to get my license n now i hv it!! YES,u heard me I HAVE IT!! Woot!! Was excited n dad asked to drive home but i wasnt prepared. LoL. Ten on ta way home, we stopped at a furniture store to get a new set of sofa for ta living room n of course, ta GRAPHIC DESIGNER chose it! So its gotta be good yea! It will be delivered on mon which happens to be 'Onam'. So evry1 wil be home except me coz i hv class til 1. Went home n straight away sticked my 'P' onto ta car!! YaY!! Bil was not around today coz he had to attend sum seminar held in genting for managers in his comp. So i had to tk care of chee. Mixed milk for her, served her lunch, sang song for ta babies, put her n babies to sleep. LoL. Love doin it. Ten in ta evening had to do scrambled egg for her coz she loves my preparation. Imma good cook yeah? :P But ended up cuttin my finger!! Ta knife was too sharp indeed tat it cut my thumb. It was bleedin a lil ten it stopped. Drove around in ta evning wit dad n he sed my drivin was good!! Juz needs a lil brush up. It was a good day except for ta finger cuttin thing. Hehehe.. N yes, i miss u too. But at times, silence plays an imp role to save an existing relationship so tat it exists longer. Im saving it. Trust me on tat wil u? Coz u dun hv a choice. Neither do i.

WATEVER!!!

Say n do as u wish la k. I dun care anymore.. Juz dun ask me anytin ANYMORE. Sick of playin ta 'BAD' person here. Each time i open my mouth, u hv sumtin to say.. Y do u hv so much to say? U cant juz accept it rite? So be it. Dun cum lookin for me wen u hv no one to turn to k! Coz tis time, im not gonna give in to u! MUMMY my FOOT!! Im NOT ur muumy!! U sed tat once n now im REMINDING u!! Im a selfish, inconsiderate, mean, sarcastic gal. So STAY AWAY!! For heaven's sake!! Dun cum near coz its contagious!! BOTH of u!! U DUN NEED ME rite? So dun effin ask for forgiveness n act as if notin happened coz ill NEVER forget tis!! Yes u've heard me, NEVER!!

eNuF!!

Yes enuf!! They dun listen to me, rude to me, make me sad, n disappoint me. Is tis wat i get in return? Its such a piss off. U noe, its weird tat u guys say u love me, wen u treat me like tis. Dun say it anymore k? Its over. U guys dun need me. Tats very obvious. So y do i need u ten? Why do i? Do i really need you? Well i hope u guys hv fun k? In order to gain sumtin, u'll hv to loose sumtin rite? Im willin to sacrifice for ur 'WONDERFUL FRIENDSHIP'. May ur frenship last forever!! BYE!!

I PaSSeD!!!

Yes i did. Cudnt blog ta past few days coz of screwed up net as usual!! Im sooOOOOO HAPPY!! Its like one of ta biggest challenge in my life n ive passed it!! Woot!! Needd tp prove myself to certain ppl u see. Haha.. Coll has started. Tis time for ta last time. Its my final sem. Sad but cant wait to fin. Classe r more flexible but sorry hun, 10-6 on weds. Hehehe.. Im bored..... For now. Wait til i get my final project brief n u'll NEVER see me online til im over wit it!! :-P I nearly died last fri coz of my f****** asthma!! History nearly repeated. Haihz........ Here i am online waitin for 'u' but as usual ur not. HmmMMMMmm. Ur online wen im not n im online wen ur not!! ANGY!! Its a piss off acc. Hope we hv more chemistry in future!! <3

ThaNk GoD!!!

Yea thank god bil n chee r fine... I cant imagine wat i wud hv done if anytin happened to them n their babies. They met in an accident yest. :-( Hope all ta insurance tingy wil go on smoothly. Haihz... Chee was traumatised by the incident so we went to see ta doc 2day to check on ta babies. I saw them!! I finally saw my nephew/niece's!! They were hyperactive esp ta 1st baby. Ta otr one was not moving much ten it started movin too!! Its so nice to c them.. N to noe tat they r ok. :-) Love them!! Exam's next week. Cant wait for it. Wanna pass n start drivin!! Wow i can drive aft tat!! Wanna hang out wit kirs n all. Coz she wants it badly don't u sis? Hehe... Im doin it partly coz of u.. Hehe ok enuf of sentiments k. lol. Tats all for now. Tata... :-)

I'Ve PaSSeD!!

Yes, i've PASSED my trial exam!! Haha if ur close to me u'll noe wat i mean.. Kk i noe ur proud coz ur one of those 'lucky' ppl tat acc knows wat im crappin bout!! I cant wait for ta ral one la... So excited. Anyways.... Tmw is ta 'BIG' dinner at holiday villa subang.. Ta dinner tat has long awaited by daddy cool. Haha.. Of course he's excited coz he organised it. Thanks to him i cudn't go online at times coz he parked himself comfortably here in my room workin on hin stuff on ta comp!! Arrghh!! But its over now. Hopefully.. Dunno wat to wear for ta diner la.. HmmMMMmm. Any ideas? Had a great day yest wit my 'u noe hu'.. (shy) Hehe... My life is definately changing for the better.. N im happy.. So r u rite? Hehe.. Sun muz go for kirstie's confirmation. God knows wat does tat mean n wat wil it be like but im kinda excited to c tho. Hehe.. Tot i cudn't make it at first but she has booked me since last yr for tis n i cant fail my lil sis. U noe i wont fail u rite kirs? So im comin k!! N im kinda proud tat i designed ta invitation card for ta function fot u sis!! Tho its not my best design but im happy i contributed to ur BIG day. Rite? :-) Love ya. Was so happy tat u called me last nite n we had a long 'sisterly' chat. Lol. Hahaha... Btw, i miss fran... Wen r u gonna cum over?? Hmm i guess i'll only c her on sun at church. K guys gtg dy. Love ya'll!! <3

I'Ve DeLeTeD YoU!!

Yes, i've finally deleted YOU.. From evrytin. N im actually feelin better aft doin it. Now tat ive found sum1 hu loves me n never takes me for granted. U made me wait like for a bloody year without answers.. Juz to noe tat one reason... A reason ive been waitin for.. Only to know tat u did it coz ur a COWARD!! Y cum into my life if ur a COWARD?? Y want me to be wit u if u were scared?? U juz wanted to PLAY me rite? U nv took our relationship seriously.. Tats y u was not ready for commitment. All u sed wat lies.. All of them. There was no LOVE.. Not at all. It was me n only me from ta beginnin.. WAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND DUDE!! U'll hv to pay for it! For evry teardrop.. No more tears for u now on.. I hv moved on n im HAPPY!! Coz i hv ppl hu cares n loves me around me to gv me all ta support i need. I hv my fly, pet sis's n my hunk. There wil cum a day wen u'll acc fall for a gurl wit all ur heart n she'll play you!! Tats wen u'll remember wat uve done once n regret evry second of ur life.. I SWEAR!! It aint a CURSE baby but my WORDS!!

I Do LoVe YoU BaBy!!

Haha... Had a bad day acc.. Tot drivin was cool. Thnaks to tat my hands n legs hurts like HELL now!! Day started at 6. Had to be up early for class. Ten ta instructor came juz b4 7. I drove thru Kesas Highway today!! Woot!! Haha... Was so excited wen i passed kirs place. Cud feel ta 'vibration' coz im sure she was leavin for sch tat time. lol Damn happy at first... Ten ended up at Shah Alam. Knew he was gona tk me to ta institute. Learned parkin at 1st. Tat was easy.. But practise over n over again about 12x!! OMG my hands hurt la!! Strted sweatin.. Ten he taught me bukit. Haha its not tat scary as i tot. Its kinda easy acc. Didnt hv prob wit tat too. Then ta 3point turn. Tat was good to. Evrytin was good but its juz tat my hands n legs hurt. :-( But its all for a goos cause. Rite? Moreover im gonna tk u all for a 'ride' aft i get my license remember?? Hehe... Ok tats it for now.. Cant type any further bcoz u noe wat!! Peace out ppl!! :-)

My RiDe HoMe!!

Im so damn happy!! I drove home today!! I couldn't sleep well last nite coz was damn scared bout drivin. Chee demotivated me tats y.. Kancil n iswara is way diff la!! Haihz anyway im stil happy!! I drove home all ta way from IOI mall back home.. Went thru ta hills n jams n all. I know its weird but im damn excited la!! Car didnt stop at all!! Haha... Big achievement!! Came home but no one here excited... Dad dint see me drivin home. Busy sleepin. He dint believe tat i drove home!! Anyways, i knew im ta only one hu's really excited bout tis... Those hu says they r happy for me r juz sayin it.. They dun mean it.. Coz if they were, where were they wen i needed them? Wen im happy... Where r u? :-( Ur alwiz not there... But tis is juz a small thing.. All ta little thing matters tho. Neway, gtg dy. Tata..

My DiArY....

I know ive not blogged for years!! Haha... Its been a week since holidays started now n i shud be bloggin more often rite? Sorry... Juz didnt feel like it. Lazy lah... Hehe.. Ok too many things to update u with. K we shall start wit hmmm... Wat ah? K ive finally started my drivin class!! It was FUN!! Hehe.. Car stopped a few times tho. Next class is on thurs. I wanted to c kirs so badly n finally saw her yest!! God ive been missin her like hell!! My sis n ive not seen her for weeks!! WTH?? Hehe.. She suddenly asked me to go there wit fran. N dahlah me n fran not in talkin terms. But ta prob had to be settled asap!! So we went there... By bike!! Fran was ridin like org giler!! Haha sorry fran. Ten lepak there awhile. Started talkin bout ta prob n all n it got very heaty. But its solved now. Well to me it is. Another prob im facin rite now.. Can sum1 tell me wat is ta significance to tis?? Ive been seeing ta num 4 too many times!! As in each time i c ta time, its 4.44. O 4.04, 4.14. Wat the hell!! Am i dying o wat? I didnt tk notice of tis at the beginning but its gettin a bit too frequent la. Scare wei. Dunno wat it means. Or tryin to warn me bout sumtin tats gonna happen to me. :-( Hope notin happens coz i wanna live very very long... Get married, hv kids n grandkids... Hehehe.. Ok ok over dy. I know... I hope evrytin goes well for evryone... For kirs, fran, amelia n of course for me!! Dun la argue anymore k? Sick n tired la. Arent you? Face ta prob n solve them. Dun run away from it. K? Evrytin can be talked out in a proper manner. Not by usin harsh words n all. K? Learn to say sorry n to forgive one another.. Life has to go on.. Aite? Peace ppl!! Love ya'll!!

U'vE HaD uR SaY....

WTH??? Y r u keep draggin him into tis? He has notin to do wit tis. Ur ta one hu started it k. If u cant remeber?? Passin unnecessary comments n all. 'US'??? Who's tat us? Look here, dun drag ppl into tis shit we both goin thru k. Dun juz say things n put it as 'us' there. My comments were generally for both of u but is the rep from both of u too? How sweet? Well if u hv so much to say bout hu knowin hu 1st, ten i can also say tat I've known kirs way b4 ive known u... She's my sis for a long time.. N i love her so much. So?? Why keep comin in between us? Huh? U've sed tat no one can come in betweenu n ur pet sis too rite? I respect tat. So now im tellin u tis, DUN PUT IN OTR'S NAMES IN TIS PROB WE R FACIN K!! IF U HV SUMTIN TO SAY, TEN JUZ EFFIN SAY IT!! DUN HV TO INCLUDE KIRS'S O HU EVER'S NAME IN IT JUZ TO ADD SPICE INTO TA STORY!! WELL IF AT ALL ITS A FACT, I CAN SETTLE IT MYSELF. N I DUN NEED U TO TELL ME WAT OTR'S TINK'S BOUT MY DECISIONS K? I HOPE IVE MADE IT CLEAR TO U... KIRSTIE, IF U TINK IVE ALWIZ HURT U N MAKE U SAD, JUZ TELL IT TO ME K? I HOPE WE WONT NEED 'ANOTHER' PERSON TO DO IT FOR US. ITS KINDA PATHETIC U NOE. Btw, sayin sorry thru another party... Isn't immaturity? Cant u juz say it straight to me? N y even say it wen u dun even mean it? Wen ur prepared to ans to evrytin i say? Wen ur alwiz ready for tat? Why? Well, i dun care bout u sed bout immaturity k. Coz god knows hu's matured n hu's not. U sed im alwiz waitn for u guys to say sorry n all rite? Well uve got it wrong. Im not 'WAITIN' but givin it time.. Time heals evry wound. No matter how long it takes. But sad to say ur juz makin things worse... Juz stop addin oil into ta fire k? Please... Ur juz a different person to me now. All u do is piss me off!!! Get me? Tats all u do. Pissin me off, ten sayin sorry wen u acc dun mean it n piss me off again!! I juz dun need tis anymore k?

uR a HeArTBreAker...

Ive finally got tru it all!! Exams over ppl!! But tat does not mean its time for partyin. Got lotsa plans neway.. !st was to go n see 'her' coz ive missed her like hell!! But i guess there's juz no point. Its sad tat wat we've built all these yrs can be ruined in juz seconds.. Notin can be more painful ten tat.. It hurts each time u choose to trust another but not me.. Listen to another but not me.. Well u didnt even want to hear me explain but hv judged me.. N tat makes me feel as if im treated ta same way evry1 else treats me.. U sed ull be wit me n ten u say things at the back of me? Why? Wats wrong wit u ppl?? WTF?? For HEAVEN'S sake la!! Its not bout ta '3rd' party k. But its bout us!! Wats ta point of us bein so close (so called pet sis) n all wen u cant even tell me wat ur feelin!! Why do tis to me? Why? Do u guys know tat ur the 1st two ppl i asked not even my own fly!! N tis is wat i get in return? Why? Im so hurt... I cant even be happy for once.. Why? Juz bcoz of immaturity? Let me tell u guys sumtin k. I know better hu's matured n hu's NOT!! Dun teach me bout MATURITY!! Coz u know it better!! If tis is stil an issue, im sure u wud not want to raise it up k. Or u'll regret evry bit of it. I swear!!! I anit gonna tolerate tis ANYMORE!!!!

I MiSS KiRS!!!!!!!!

Yes i do.. Hmm... Btw, its been a year now. To be exact. I can believe tat time has flown damn fast. Its hard to even remember how did it feel to be wit u.. To love u n be loved by u.. To realise tat its all over.. A year ago. I nv thought i cud move on.. But yea i did. Difficultly. Very. I used to pray hard tat u'll gv me another chance despite ppl tellin me ta it wont be ta same anymore even if it works. But yea i do realise now tat it really wud not have worked. Never will. I was too blind too blind then coz i loved u too much. I was willing to sacrifice anytin to get u back. But now its diff. Coz ta "pieces dun fit ahymore." Watching u leave was ta really hard n painful but holdin on to sumtin tat never was there was more harder. I cant believe tat i acc waited.. For nothin. Only to realise tat uve found another... But tis time, i didnt cry for u.. Not tis time. Coz its over. Ur not worth a tear baby. U mite be the best friend, cousin, bro, son, o watever... But not a lover. U was but never wil again. A good lover wil never leave without a reason.. Tats exactly wat u did so u hv failed miserably in love. U've failed it ta day u sed goodbye to me.. So 'HAPPY BREAKIN UP ANNIVERSARY BABY'!! I'm sure u wud not even hv remembered but i did. N alwiz wil do. Ta scar never wil heal.. But yea im movin on.. Coz wat goes around comes around. Ppl out there knows i dun deserve tis so yea. Be it. U'll feel ta pain sum day.

HurT No MoRe... :-)

I've been dreamin bout him very frequently these days.. I dunno wat its supposed to mean. Wen im finally tryin to move on y do i need to be reminded of him? Wat does all these dreams mean? Can sum1 tell me? He is totally diff in those dreams.. Mayb tats y i can only dream. Coz its impossible to happen in real life. N ta best part is i cant express how i acc feel to anyone!! I wish 'u' wud listen but u dun wanna talk bout our pasts. I wanted to start anew but wit truths not lies.. But im bein forced to be like tis.. Wat to do.. Hv to give in again.. At times i feel as if im gonna be hurt again.. As if im goin thru ta same pain again.. Btw, finally found out y he left me... I tink. Ive alwiz told him tat if we were to break up, it wil either be bcoz he loves me no more or he has 'another'.. I alwiz preferred ta 1st one as an assumption nv knowin tat it was ta 2nd one acc. Yea.. He has another.. I was wonderin y was i treated tat way.. Wat dint i gv him to be treated tis way? I wonder.. Tis confusion shall be buried n ill move on.. Like i am anyway.. Haha.. Im happy.. I tink.. For now at least.

A TeaR N TaTs iT...

"U alwiz ask me... Why hv i not shed a tear for u? Tats bcoz im strong unlike u..So i say.. But unfortunately, u made my tears flow down last nite. Coz i realised its goodbye.. Goodbye to those times we've share together.. Coz u sed it all.. N its nv gonna cum back k. Dun regret ur own words my dear.. All i did was my part n im at fault. So be it. Im not gonna interfere in ur life anymore.. I hope u hv lots of fun. Coz tats wat ur best at."

Had a great day yest. But ta day was ruined at the end.. Anyways, where r u kirs? I've been missin u like HELL!! Cant u like go online o call me? Me miss my lil sis la... :-( I need u more now ten EVER!! But its ok. Coz im havin my finals now.. So i'll cum c ya aft tat k? -PROMISE-

TWINS!!!!!!!

OMG!! My sis is preganant wit twins!! I swear im ta happiest person alive!! Almost died of happiness wen she told me ta news yest. Im so happy for both chee n bil!! U guys deserve it!! I'll be ta best aunt i swear!! Cant wait!! She's due on ta 27th of Feb 2008. Wonderin whether it wil be boys o gals or both!! Haha.. Both wil be cool. Then they dun hv to plan for anymore aft tat!! :-P Hehehe kiddin k. Ta babies r 6weeks old. Fran was right!! She's having twins!! Double ta joy!! :-D Its a boring day today.. Here i am at home doin assigments n BLOGGING!! Acc im feelin a lil uneasy. I know wat its about but not sure wat shud i do.. Im not sure whether tis is wat i want & is 'he' ta one... Ive forgotten how is it to be in love. Im afraid of goin thru tis all over again. Ive lost confidence in love.. Can i do it? AGAIN? I myself not sure. Im afraid ill regret later on.. Juz like how im regrettin it badly now.. Kirs thinks ive moved on.. She's right. But tat doesnt mean tat it aint hurts anymore. It does. Ta scar wil alwiz remain. Now she's goin thru ta exact situation as me. But ta only diff is she has ta love at least. I hope she realises tat.. Never tk things for granted. Wat more can u ask for?? Ive lost evrytin n tats it. But tats juz ta way my life is. Now tat im tryin to move on, y is ta past keep lingering in my mind? Y m i afraid to move on bcoz of ta past? I dunnno... Oh god gv me a sign or tell me wat to do.. I cant tk tis anymore.. I want to end all tis as soon as tis sem is over. Wanna clear my mind from everytin.. Til ten we shall juz wait.. Aite?

"They say it takes
moments to find someone special,
weeks to appreciate them,
months to get to know them..
But what they don't know is that
it takes a lifetime to forget them...

My FiRsT eVeR PoEm!!

Haha... I know tis is funny. N weird. But i tried my best k. It is for "whoever" who think its for. I was damn happy a few days ago du to sum reasons which is not to be told therefore tis poem was created!! :-) Check it out.

"NOW TAT I HAVE YOU, I'M AFRAID TO LOOSE YOU.
THE PIECES OF ME INSIDE IS SCREAMING FOR U TO HOLD ME CLOSE AND NEVER TO LET ME GO.
FOR YOU WHO HAS THE KEYS TO MY HEART.
WAITIN TO BE UNLOCKED...

Haha.. Yea i noe its good. :-P K bye ppl!!

oNLiNe FiNaLLy!!

OMG!! Im finally online. It has been an hectic week for me but its juz ta beginning of it. Assessment in two weeks time. Had two presentation yest n went R.E.A.L. good!! Was happy n proud of it. But ta heat is stil on. Cant wait for all tis to end n chill b4 my last sem. I'll die durin tat time i SWEAR!! Hahaha.. Ta connection was real bad so cudnt go online since sun!! But had no time tho. Despite bein bz had sum prob to settle. I dun run away from probs so i faced it. Even tho i had to see "him" which im not so in ta favour wit. But had no choice. Saw him smoke 3sticks in front of me. Screw it la. He's not ta person i've once known. Tat person is DEAD. Yet i love him tho he's dead. My first true love. But im movin on k? Cant stay there cryin evry nite for him.. Had enuf of tat. Only god knows how much i loved him!! Gettin too emo now. Anyway as much as i expected i was blamed for sum shit i dint commit. Damn it la!! Im not gonna keep quiet i tell u!! Put me into tis so i swear i'll get u!! IDIOT!! Blame me wen ur two timin ur own gal?? WTF? Sorry dude. Ur juz pathetic la k. Make a gal cry n tats it!! Wat goes around comes around la! C'mon dude dun tell me u dunno bout tat. So get prepared for ta worst!!

My DrEaM CoMe TruE... :-D

I'm soooOOOO HAPPY rite now!! I swear i dreamt of it last nite! Scary la wei. My dreams r finally comin true.. I'm supposed to keep it low but im so excited!! I hope its official!! Will announce it to ta whole world!! I'm juz so excited now!! Never been tis happy!! Im so happy for u chee n bil. CONGRATULATIONS!!

CoNFuSeD...

I was happy in my last blog... N now im not sure whether tat happiness wil last. Im afraid to loose it. I goin thru a though time at the moment.. Its like wanting to move on but afraid to do so.. Wanting to be loved again but afraid to be hurt again. Wanting you but cant say it. Haihz... Im wanting too many things tat i myself cant get. Ive lost love once. N i dun want it to happen again. So im takin safety precautions. Am i doin ta rite thing? Im so confused.. And i miss fran..so much. The Fran i used to know.. Fran my baby girl.. No matter wat she says or how much she denies it, ive lost her.. Juz like how ive lost him.. N now wen i finally tink ive found happiness, im afraid ive lost it. I hv lost faith n confidence in love. Im not sure who or wat to believe. But u cant blame me for bein tat way. Ive lost my love of 8years.. All i know is i dun want to be awaken from tis dream. Tis beautiful dream of u n me... I dun wanna loose you.. But id rather loose u now ten to be hurt later on.. U need to earn my trust. I want u to. Tats all i ask for... Wil u do tat for me?

HiS eYeS HaVe CaPTiVaTeD MiNe...

I've been so lonely lately.. N sad too. But had not much time to acc tink of it. Bcoz was tied up wit lotsa assignments. Stil tat way btw. Ive given up in almost evrytin n everyone.. Haihz... N ive broken sum ppl's heart recently. I noe ive hurt u.. But it was not intended k? Ive nv promised u anytin coz i hv notin to offer.. Hope u understand. N i hope tat we're cool. R we? Hope so.. I juz wanna start anew. Wit a mew beginning all over again. Tis time diffly bcoz im not gonna get hurt AGAIN!! N ive decided not to let him hurt me again n again. Ive taken a major step in my life recently. Thanks to V**. Im happy to hv him by my side now. Givin me all ta courage n support. Thanks dear. Really appreciate it. If not for him, i mite not hv even done it!! Only he n i noe wat ta hell im talkin about!! Hahaha.. But thanks neway.. For bein there for me.. <3 K gtg for now. Nappy time. Bye ppl!! :-)

NeVeR JuDgE a BooK bY ItS CoVeR...

I feel like shit now.. Evryone's changin... I've lost her.. But wen i tink bout wat she has done, ill nv forgive her for tat! I can 4gv u for many otr things but not tis k! I cant believe u acc did tat! Ur not ta person ive known b4.. But i dun care anymore.. U made up ur mind so hv i.. U dun need me so do i.. As long as i noe i stil hv ppl i love my side.. But im sad i cant help u sis.. Ive tried but it aint workin rite? Sorry.. I wish u cud be by ur side now.. Bcoz i noe u need sumone n i want to be there for u.. Im so sad.. For evrytin. Most of all, im sad wen ur sad... I hope things wil get better soon. N ill be there by ur side k? I promise... I love ya..

BuSY!!

Hey ppl.. I cudnt blog the past few dayz bcoz of sum connection prob. Haihz... Had so much to say but now its all gone.. Forgot dy acc!! Hahaha... Its thurs evenin, n im at home doin assignments... Wat diff does it make anyway? Its been like tat since god knows wen! Been bz the past few weeks despite hanging out once in a while. Hv to cope up wit all assigns asap! Assessment soon! Ten tats it! My final sem! It wil be even worse ten. Dunno how m i gonna face all tis. Never felt very pressured like tis b4. Not even for spm! But i guess ill hv to get used to tis kinda lifestyle so tat it wil be easier wen i start to work next yr.. Cant wait for tat! Its either work o continue n do a degree but overseas!! I noe, its kinda sad but wat to do.. If tats wat i need to do in order to achieve my goals, im willin to sacrifice. So from now on, i plegde to not waste anymore time on totally "unnesessary" ppl n stuff! Gotta get bz ppl. Sorry for tat but plz try n understand ya. Its not easy for me esp now. Loosin grip wit those i love n all is not ta way things shud be.. But i hv no time to fix these probs k? Its a waste of time if U DUN CARE!! But at the end of ta day, remember tat u asked for it -Peace out-

ExCuSeS ExCuSeS ExCuSeS!

I feel much better today.. As in "now". Bcoz i hv made up my mind. N im not gonna regret it! I've had enuf n lessons has to be taught. U r juz takin things for granted. Rite? Well, no more k? Im so sick of bein treated tis way. U say tat i'll feel left out? Well by doin tis, uve juz made me feel worse.. Wat goes around comes around. So get prepared. U noe tat i love u guys but u juz had to hurt me rite? So prepare for ta feedback. U asked for it. Im not gonna keep quiet n act as if notin happened k? U guys neglected me n made me feel like shit. N to make things worse, u didnt listen to me. Excuses excuses excuses! Sick of them! Really! U can even say tat u didnt insist? WTF?? Ur elder n u shud noe better. Shudn't you? Grow up gals. I need u both to noe wat ur into. Im not gonna say anythin aft tis. No more "sisterly" advice anymore.. Ta second u neglected me, tat very second ive neglected u. Tats bcoz i cant tk any further. N i hv no regrets.. Im glad tat u both had a blast yest. N im sure u'll be better off without me. T'care. Chiowz.

LoNeLy..

Hey ppl. I was too bz to blog but this time i juz had to. Bcoz im feelin really down.. At first i tot tat i wa juz bein too sensitive but ive finally realised tat they dun need me. They dint even bother to ask me!How cud they? Im juz speechless now.. N hurt. No words to express rite now......

So MuCh FoR CooKiNg..

Went to kirs house on tues.. It was her bday!! Haha.. Chilled wit her ten back home. Went for pirates yest. It was damn fun. Only kirs n me. Haha.. Today mom wanted to cook sum "exclusive" dish. N to make things worse, she asked for my help!! Despite havin lotsa assignment to complete, i juz had to help her. Hehe.. Otherwise ta food is gonna be ruined.. Haha kiddin. So ta menu was sizzling tofu, kicap brinjal n sweet sour chic. I had hot oil on my hands n screamed for life! It was so damn painful!! Haihz... But stil took pics of ta dishes i made tho. Check it out n tell me whether i can be a chef! :-P Haha.. -Peace out-

Hey ppl.. So long nv blog dy. Hehe. I acc miss blogging!! OMG! See wat u guys hv done to me! Hehe.. Its chee's b'day 2day. Happy Birthday Chee!! <3 Its her 1st bday wit her hubby.. Hehe. So romantic. Im sure they r havin candle light dinner now! :-P So romantic... :-( Wen am i gonna be called out for a candle light dinner? Anyway, fran, kirs, a few of her frens n i went for movie on sat at mid. It was terrible!! We got seats rite in front n to make things worse, 2 of them were broken! GSC is so.... Haih. Im speechless! Ta word is IRRESPONSIBLE!! My God!! How is tat even possible? We paid $11 for tis shit? Poor kirs n fran had to be gentlemen (bapoks) n gv ta seats to us girls. Thanks ya!! <3 Love ya!! We had a great day besides ta movie part. Haha.. Went home wit kirs by bus n got harrased! Dun wanna talk bout it! Anyway.... Me feelin a lil weird these days. But all i know is im gonna move on n get a makeover!! Haha. But not now k? Soon..... Hehe. Anyway its kirstie's bday tmw! Happy Birthday in advance hun! Ill meet u aft sch k? N i promise to gv u a very special gift k? Hehe... Love ya! Love ya'll!!

I Wish...

If only u cud understand. Tat things r not as easy as it seems. For me, for u, for us. Is it my fault tat u nv told me all tat b4? Ive nv meant to hurt u.. Or upset u in any way. I aint tat stupid. I know wat ur goin thru n wat u wanna tell me. N y cant u juz tell me? Be frank! Or ill keep askin u til u tell me n tats worse rite? So u decide. As for me, im sick of ppl pretendin these days.. N im one of ta pretenders too. Haih.. Im sorry i cant tell u how i feel bout things bcoz i dun wanna loose wat we've shared all along. N i'd rather choose wat we were ten sumtin tats not certain n mite break us. I hope u understand.. Im sorry.. N i love you.

Hit Me Where It Hurts... :'(

Hey guys.. I cudnt blog ta last few days bcoz of my screwed modem. I juz hv so much to say.. It has been a difficult week tho. Despite havin a great bday last fri, n passin ta test! Everytin else has been very upsettin. My sis’s house got broken into.. Tats juz ta worst thing she had to go thru.. Y is it tat they hv to go thru tis? They were here wit ta fly to celeb mother’s day but ten wen they went home, everytin is ruined. Cds all over ta place, knife on ta table, money all gone.. But thank god they were not at home. I cant imagine wat I wud hv done if anytin happened to my sis n bil… im so glad tat they were here at ta time of ta robbery. I dunno y r things getting more n more complicated.. Even ppl tat im close to r drifting away from me.. People change as time passes by… But not them.. Y does it hv to be them? She hurt me badly.. Very badly.. I juz dunno wat else to do.. N ta otr one is so rude to me these days… Maybe bcoz she’s sick of me. Or she has finally found her love n there goes the attention. I love them.. So much. But they hv hurt me.. They sed sorry. I did too.. But is tat gonna make things better? I dunno. I dun tink so. I dun hv ta patience to go thru all tis.. Ive nv argued wit her b4… We were so close. But all of a sudden she sed things I nv xpected her to. Why? As usual there r no answers to my questions. But I love my sisters. N I noe ive lost them.. Ive lost them wen they hurt me.. Things can nv get back to normal.. Anyway, I didn’t go to coll on mon to help out at my sis’s place. Also to tk ta blood test im required to. Results out today. Or maybe tmw. Im so scared. I hope everythin’s fine.. Ive had enuf of health probs.. I juz dun need tis.. I really don’t. They say tat they understand wat im goin thru but ta truth is Im goin thru all tis alone.. They don’t know bcoz they r not in my shoes. All ta pain I hv to go thru.. Im sick of pretendin as if everytin is all rite.. Im sick of bein strong wen im not. Wen is all tis gonna end??? Wen?

YAHOO!!! :-D

I've PASSED!! Im so damn happy! One of my bday resolution has been accomplished! Hahaha.. But tats juz ta 1st step. More to come ppl! So keep supportin me ya? OMG Im juz so damn very ta happy now! Haha.. Sorry 4 ta broken eng ya. Jadi rojak pulak! Juz a lil excited! Tata!! :-)

BITRHDAY!!

Hey!! Yest was fun. My mom was ta 1st to wish me ten dad n uncle. Fran was sleeping juz next to me but was ta 5th to wish me! Like wat ta hell rite? Haha. Gv her bed n tats the end. LOL. Thanx to all frens tat acc remembered to wish me at 12. "Sis" came ova. We had pizza for lunch wit my so cute dad. Ten fran n "sis" slept! Y r they alwiz sleepin at my place? OMG!! Sleeping beauties! lol. Ten we played wit babies next door again. Haha. Had dinner wit fly at nite.. Wish "he" was there wit me.. But its ok. Im gonna tk things easily from now on.. No more sadness. Life has to go on.. Thanks every1 for everytin uve done 4me! Love ya'll!

Bday Eve

Hey guys.... Wanted to blog bout fran acc. Yest i made nasi lemak. So she came over as usual to hv lunch. It was too spicy according to her so she acc ate nasi lemak wit kicap n sweet! I repeat kicap n sweet! OMG!! I'll upload tat pic of her meal real soon k? Hahaha... Kirs n fran came over today juz to spend sum "sexy" time wit me. Haha juz kiddin. Kirs was not too well n she took a nap awhile. Ten we went out to play wit my fav baby next door. We had soooo much fun playing wit babies! Intan & Putra. They r juz so cute! Intan loved kirs while Putra loved fran. Hehe.. Im sure they dun know tat these two r "bapoks"! Sorry sis! Kidin k. Aft all, its my day tmw rite? So juz takin advantage! Thanks for spendin ta day here ya. N also lookin forward for all ta "disturbance" tat wil start at sharp 12 2nite! OMG.. Wish i cud off my hp. But tat wud not be too nice rite? Hehe. OK guys. Enuf for now. Wil blog next mayb tmw or ta day aft wit pics! PROMISE! Bye! :-)

MeMoRiEs...

Memories… Some r sweet n some r painful. I was juz lookin thru my pic collection today.. To reminisce how did it acc feel bfore.. I was so happy to see pics of me, fran, kirs, shal, sute, ila n all close frens.. We look so happy n stil are.. Ten I juz glanced through “those” pics tat were taken on my bday last year.. I’ll hv to be honest bout tis. Last year was ta best bday I’ve ever celebrated. Tats bcoz I had sum1 I truly loved by my side… Tat was ta best gift of all. He was ta first to wish me at ta stroke of midnight. I was sooo damn happy to hv him in my life. He’s ta best thing tat ever happened to me. We had a barbecue party at my place n invited all my close frens.. Everyone tat completes me were there. Includin “him”.. I remember him promising me tat it’ll be ta 1st bday we wil celebrate together n neve ta last. Tat was a promise he made… n eventually broke it. Its sad to think of how it wil be like tis year now tat we r no more together.. But im happy tat he acc remembered. My eyes were tearful wen he asked me bout my plans for my bday. Wat plans can there possibly be wen I dun hv him by my side? Everyone is so happy wit everything.. Movin on wit ppl they love but im all alone.. My bday wish tis year is ……….. U know wat. But its impossible. Im juz so emo now. Haha… But I know tat I stil hv my fly n frens wit me. Thanks for bein there for me guys.. Me HEART u ppl. Special thanks to Kirstie & Fran for ur support in everytin. For bein there for me wen I needed sum1 to turn to.. I’ll be juz as happy to hv u guys by my side for my bday. Love ya’ll.

LoVe Me WeN u NeeD mE, LeaVe mE WeN U HaTe mE..

Im so pissed rite now... Hurt actually. Me myself dunno why.. I shud not be feelin tis way. AT aLL!! Y is it tat he has so much of impact on me? Why? Why is it tat i cant get over wit him? Why? Why is it tat he keep hurtin n disappointin me? Why is it tat ta small little hopes in my heart aint fading off? Why is it tat i stil LOVE him? OMG.... Im juz so pissed wit myself for bein such a failure.. Feelin so terrible for wat i did not do.. For bein ta victim of all tis n end up bein hurt.. Why? I wish i did not knew LOVE.. I really wish.. Its brings joy & pain at ta same time. All in ta package.. I wish sum1 cud understand me.. Not keep tellin me to move on. I hv moved on guys! Its so simple. U guys dun understand! Tats it. Its not hard to move on but its hard to forget.. My first true love.. My love for 8 years! All gone into ta dustbin! U ppl tink its easy? To act as if im ok? Im so hurt inside. Hurt bcoz im bein punished for wat i hv not done.. "U said u love me.. n ull never leave me." I guess tats ta same thing all guys tells their gals huh? Its so predictable. It wil be very hard for me to fall for another aft you.. N you're to blame. LOVE ME WEN U NEED ME, LEAVE ME WEN U HATE ME....
But wat goes around comes around.

BORING!!

Today was probably ta most boring day in tis year!! Juz days b4 my bday! Omg... Had to go for ta kursus memandu shit for hours wit Shal! Can u guys beat tat? Shal goin wit shal! Two shal's! Thank god they dint get us mixed up. Yea childhood frenz wit ta same name juz a lil diff spelling. But im happy tho bcoz im finally gettin my license! Hehe... I can drive both my "bapoks" around finally! Not forgettin my frens. Soon k guys? Went back to ta driving school at 3 ten guess who called me? KIRSTIE ANNE SEBASTIAN!! I knew she wud hv seen me sumwhere around tat place or y wud she ever wanna call me? Unless she'll feelin sum sorta "vibration". Hahaha... Kiddin k Neero. Dun get mad at me. Im sure Kirstie is smilin now... Hehe dun be shy sis... I noe u love me. Hehe.. Ten shal, kirs n i had lunch at sri meena's. Fran cudnt be there tho bcoz she was juz too busy havin her hair cut! AGAIN! WTF?? Hehe.. Ten took a cab home.. Was so damn tired.. Boring day.. Very boring day.. Except for ta part wen i saw kirstie la.. Hehe i noe ur smilin again sis. Hehe.. We hv juz too many coincidences these days huh? Sumtin muz be wrong here. Hahaha kiddin k. Chill Neero. Love ya sis. Love ya'll! Ok enuf for now. Bye guys!

TIREDNESS

Haihz... Today was a very tiring day... We went to sunway pyramid. Kononnya to snap sum pics 4 my assign but ended up wit notin! Haha. We were chillin out at Mr.Teppanyaki bcoz both ta "bapoks" were hungry. Me juz watched them eat. OMG kirs takes so much time 2 acc fin her meal! I had to wait soooooo long (forever) bfore i cud acc have my hands on McD. Ten we wen "shisha"ing. Not me of course but them. I was too busy enjoyin my McD. Hehe. Ten they had tis crazy plan to go to Neero's place. Juz bcoz she doents wanna get outta home bcoz its soooo HOT! Yes i understand girl.. These "bapoks" never will! Haha. Ten had milo there. They were datin there n me n fran was listenin to songs. Ten mummy dearest called orderin me to get home asap! Im like wtf? Why? She wants me to follow them out. Why again? Wat for? Its gonna be so boring. She yelled at me n said she'll wait. Ten i had to make a decision.. A fast one. But kirs was too busy dating n didnt feel good bout spoiling her date oso la.. So juz waited awhile. Ten we left. Came home only to find them not here. They went dy! Haih... But good oso la. Im tired.. Legs r aching like hell. N here i am blogging bout all tis! Moreover i must get prepared for my big day tmw... Haha. Wonder wat? I aint gonna tell u. Hehe.. So juz wish me luck aite?

My first blog!!

I cant believe that im actually blogging. Credits to my two bapok pet-sisters'. Kononnye to express my feelings so that they'd understand my emotions/feelings better than they already do. I know you're reading this Kirstie!! So are u like happy that i have a blog now? haha..BYE!!

Credits to Kinkini Molle for typing this post.Cheers.